Gorilla Thai, Gloucester Road: 'I can only presume they accidentally left the chef in Fishponds'

A restaurant review-cum-geography lesson

The gorilla (Gorilla gorilla) is a herbivorous great ape native to equatorial Africa. The more sharp-witted among you will have clocked that that is indeed on a different continent to Thailand. I suppose Gibbon Thai or Macaque Thai doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

Gorilla Thai is native to Fishponds, where it originated in 2020 as a takeaway, establishing itself quickly as a firm lockdown favourite among locals.

Now they’ve opened a second site on Gloucester Road for eating in. I’d heard nothing but effusive praise. I rounded up one herbivorous ape and two omnivorous apes and braved a very British summer downpour to bag a table.

It’s impressive they’ve managed to squeeze six tables into this spot, which would probably struggle to house even one medium-sized gorilla. Sandwiched between the kitchen and an exposed brick wall, all tables have a good view of the chefs expertly tossing woks but also of the proximate toilet.

The menu is vast. Between four A3 menus and the specials sheet no corner of the table top remained uncovered. Thai prawn crackers with a funky homemade chutney (£3.50) satiated hungry fingers and promised good things to come.

A gorilla’s diet is mainly made up of stems, bamboo and fruit. I doubt they would turn down a Thai samosa (£7) if offered, but they would be wise to stick to their foraging. It turns out a Thai samosa is indistinguishable from an Indian samosa, except slightly less spiced and served with a thimble of straight vinegar with a few bits of vegetable floating in it.

You can acquire far more impressive samosas from Jeevans in Easton - three for £1.50 in fact.

It is reassuring in a Thai restaurant to be asked whether you want a dish medium spicy, spicy, or Thai spicy. It implies they are taking things seriously. So we waited with great anticipation, napkins for sweat-mopping at the ready, for our Thai spicy som tam (£11) from the specials menu only to be let down harder than Benaiah on episode three of Love is Blind. I appreciate all four of us at the table were white (and some almost see-through) but if I ask for Thai spicy - give me Thai spicy! Or don’t bother asking and assume that all Westerners are massive wimps, which in fairness is largely true.

Can you see a single piece of chilli in this picture?

Aside from the lack of spice, an affliction also felt by the chicken larb (£11), the som tam was enjoyable. It must have taken a great deal of courage for the first person that paired sweet papaya with fermented fish, but the world is all the better for it.

The only great apes native to Australia are Australians. The one next to me insisted we order pad see ew (£12) with roasted duck (£3) which was the best dish of the evening; flat, toothy noodles laced with umami and wok hei. Inherently moreish and good to see some classic Thai vegetable sculpting.

Alfred would have liked this

Crispy chilli beef jerky (£12.50) was also from the specials. To describe the resulting dish as special would be to hang up my hat and accept, a la Jon Snow, that I know nothing. If you hadn’t read it on the laminated menu, you wouldn’t have guessed at the presence of ginger, chilli or lime leaf.

The texture was there, but the taste wasn’t

In a takeaway joint, where speed is critical, cooking individual proteins and sauces ahead of time and then flash-frying them in a wok to weave together before serving is acceptable. Takeaway prices reflect this.

It is far less acceptable in a restaurant when you’re paying £16 for a slow-cooked beef massaman curry and experiencing the same lack of harmony.

Saddened to see my favourite Thai curry reduced to this

I’ll explain. Unless treated with great care, slow-cooking anything has the potential to render it drier than the Sahara desert, where one also would be unlikely to find gorillas. This is even more probable if you are slow-cooking lean cuts of beef and then leaving them to sit in a plastic tub for days, before re-introducing them to a sauce. Thus, though the massaman sauce at Gorilla Thai was rich and gently spiced, the chunks of beef made the whole thing nigh on inedible.

When I went up to the counter to ask for the bill (remember - every review on this blog has been paid for in full) I witnessed the sadness of the steep containers sat on shelves above the woks, each filled to the brim with pre-cooked meat.

I rarely comment on price as it’s such a subjective thing, but £115 seems awfully steep for what, at best, was average takeaway Thai food. I can only presume they accidentally left the chef in Fishponds, just as Bristol Zoo left their gorillas in Clifton. I suppose both are a work in progress.

All words and photos by Meg Houghton-Gilmour

Gorilla Thai, 213A Gloucester Rd, BS7 8NN

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